Sex machine reviews

Every machine I've reviewed, grouped by type and ranked by value. Click through for the full Fit Check.

Saddle machines

1. Motorbunny Original: First-time saddle buyers who want app control without the Sybian price tag.
2. Sybian Classic: Buyers who want the original saddle and prefer simple dials to an app.
3. The Cowgirl Unicorn Premium: Riders who want strong vibration and a saddle with a sense of humour.
4. Motorbunny Buck: Riders who want thrusting, not just rotation.
5. The Cowgirl Premium: Vibration lovers who want the classic Cowgirl and plan to drive it from the app.

Thrusting machines

1. Auxfun Basic: First-time buyers who want a real thrusting machine for the price of a nice dinner.
2. Hismith Pro Traveler 2.0: Small spaces, travel, and anyone who wants a machine that fits in a cupboard.
3. Hismith Premium 4.0: Buyers who want power and adjustable stroke depth in one machine.
4. Lovense Sex Machine: App-first couples and long-distance partners.
5. Doc Johnson Merci Power Banger: Vac-U-Lock owners who already have a drawer of compatible attachments.

More types are coming: anal, portable, app-controlled, and automatic strokers.